fjolsvithsson (fjolsvithsson) wrote in blackbettyspage,

MY throne.

I have a chair. It isn't a great chair, it's a green plastic, rusty rocker'd, half-painted-rustoleum-black piece of shit. It's home for the past eight years or so was my front porch, the key here is  EIGHT YEARS...eight years of unmolested rocking pleasure, it's seen it's way thru many BBQ's...drunken revels, and other sundry ghetto games.

Two weeks ago, I cam home to find my fuckin chair GONE...yes, GONE. Eight years of  uninterrupted, uncoveted bliss...and some fuck-knob took it upon themself to steal the bitch! After an hour or so of rantng, the odd " When I find the fucker who took it Hiroshima and Nagasaki will look like a 2 year old's temper tantrum" I calmed down and tried to forget about it.

Yesterday, on their way home from a friends house, my kids found my was across the project we live in, sitting on some fuckers porch like it was HIS chair. I waited, I planned...I was going to attempt a midnight strike...sneaking thru the neighborhood like a fat, ghetto was going to be legendary...I imagined fighting off fat, balding chair-snatching bastards left and right...and then - my wife awoke from her nap, was told of the find and promptly said " Get yer shoes on were getting that fucker back" off we went...she strode across the manor like a colossus, bitching all the while...we came upon the chair. I snatched it, placed it above my head and we strode home, triumphant...whereupon arriving, my wife told the oldest child " Get a bike chain from the basement - this fucer's staying RIGHT FUCKIN HERE!" was summarily chained to the porch post - we await retribution with bated breath.....bring it the fuck on chair snatchers, next's your fuckin roses!!

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