Attention women: until your farts start
smelling like cinnamon buns, quit bitching.
I'm tired of women bitching when guys fart. Farting around a woman is like listening to a radio permanently stuck on the wailing bitch station: "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FARTED." Yeah it's real hard to believe that guys have the ability to let out air from their colons, call Ripley.
Women shriek non-stop about how bad guys stink when they fart, then they act like they fart sunshine and kittens from their assholes when they rip one. Women farts smell like old men.
Not only is the elusive potpourri poop-chute a myth, a woman's fart is embarrassing whereas a guy's fart is something to behold, like a fine wine you swish in your mouth and spit out to savor the flavors. A real fart is beefy, has a density greater than or equal to the air surrounding it, consists of the unmistakable scent of broccoli, and usually requires wiping afterwards. When a woman farts, it can best be described as "efficient." The sound is a modest toot; a minimalistic, almost innocent sounding release. A true testament to the jumbled bundle of neurons that goes into mapping every woman's brain to her asshole. The efficiency comes from the ratio of reek to weak (how bad her fart smells in proportion to how weak-sounding it was).
The farting double-standard is bullshit. Women giggle and put their hand up to their mouths, as if to say "oops! I'm cute!" No bitch, you're not cute. Your shit stinks. Either fart loud and deny it, or don't fart at all. Leave the farting to men, at least we know how to get the job done