moonshinecandy (moonshinecandy) wrote in blackbettyspage,

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BBQ time...

Nothing warms the cold cockles of a white trash man's heart quite like the smell of charcoal and lighter fluid on a warm spring day. You can always tell when you've spied a white trash BBQ....the man grilling will be wearing two week old jeans and the holiest t-shirt he owns, and brandishing the spatula like a clayborne at people. He will be shouting the secrets of his meat prowess to anyone who will listen. You will hear strains of of "But HAVE to use most of the can of lighter fluid or it just doesn't taste like uncle bob's burgerssssss"....or "what do you mean the charcoal pile resembles Mt. Fuji??? I only used four bags!!!

Another way to recognise a white trash BBQ is by scoping out the envioronment. White trash cookouts consist of digging a pit into the ground and throwing some used grill like top over the hole...(the grill like top either filched from a dumpster diving jaunt, or conveninetly "borrowed" from somebody who obviously doesn't know you very well, and doesn't know that you damn well won't be returning it)....there will be empty Budweiser cans strewn liberally around five by five space that comprises the makeshift outdoor kitchen cooking area. You will hear strains of Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band in the background, and the cries of half a dozen water-head babies. Their overweight and underemployed mama's will be milling in the background, hitting on their toothless first cousins, and trying to prevent their daisy duke shorts from disappearing on a permanent basis from between their cottage cheese laden ass and thighs. Half the fathers will be absent, as everyone knows warm weather is the season for wifebeating in public, therefore upping the chances of you getting caught and arrested. The ones that are there will be fending off blows from granny's cast iron skillet, as they try their luck at purloining her new toy, the Scooter. Mama will be in the trailer next door, trying to have a quiet men and a trows with the new couple that just moved in.

Guess I gotta wrap this up rather quick, the cops just busted i....errrrrrrr......I mean, somebody's at the door......we'll finish this up in my next segment...till then....keep trucking and we'll keep the glow of the bug zapper on for ya'll....
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